Flavored Coffee, Bath Bubbles & Naps
by Regency
Summary: The President says that he isn't one of 'those' people. That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt. Doesn't mean it would do any good either. It's all Stanley's fault. Jed & Abbey. On Perm. Hiatus.
1. 1 of 4

Author: Regency

Title: Flavored Coffee, Bath Bubbles & Naps

Rating: PG and possibly up

Pairing: Jed/Abbey

Season/Spoiler/Sequel: Season [something]; _Night Five; _None so far.

Summary: The President says that he isn't one of 'those' people. That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt.

Author's Notes: Any cannon dialogue is paraphrased or fictional.

Disclaimer: I only own the Secret Service Agents that are unfamiliar.

_'This party is as boring as they come here,'_ Josh thought. 'Even the President looks bored.' The President stands among a throng of diplomats and congressmen, nodding his head and smiling politely. Josh could read the desperation for escape on his face. Just as he was about to mount a rescue himself, an unidentifiable agent comes up and whispers something into the President's ear. The President makes eye contact and the Agent nods. The President nods in return, with a smile, he excuses himself from the group and steps out into the hall. Josh wonders what's going on.

Jed's POV

I swear to God, this party is as boring as they come. I'm trying, but I think I'm starting show. If these people keep talking, I'm going to retroactively revoke all international treaties as well as domestic laws and send all of them home. I might regret it tomorrow, but I'll sleep fine tonight. Which would be the first time in a long time. Really, I keep nodding off here and there. I'm waiting to fall over asleep on the floor.

Just as I'm about to strangle the Swedish ambassador for being a pompous ass, an Agent whose name I don't recall, whispers equally exasperating and promising news into my ear.

"Sir, the coffee is ready." I close my eyes and nod my thanks. Turning back to the ne'er do-wellers and hangers-on, I smile and excuse myself, barely managing not to jog for the stairs to the Residence. I'll get there when I get there.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm not one of those people. I do not live on Madison Avenue. Stress? I live on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and words like that have no place here. The People get nervous when they hear that their Commander-in-Chief is stressed in any way. Especially, when he has Multiple Sclerosis. Especially when he's me. This is all Stanley's fault.

_ "I don't like the word 'stress.' It's a Madison Avenue word. Something that can be cured with flavored coffee and bath bubbles."_

_ "Is that so bad?"_

_ "When you're the President of the United States, yes, it is."_

_ "I don't think it would hurt."_

_ "Don't think what would hurt?"_

_ "You drinking flavored coffee or maybe, taking a bubble bath." I must have looked at him as though he, himself, had gone quite insane. I thought he had._

_ "Go outside, turn around three times, and spit. And curse…and go away." Stanley just looked and shrugged, before the for the first time actually leaving when I say so. That was unnerving._

I nod to the Agents flanking the bedroom door and slip inside, closing it behind me. As soon as I'm fully inside the heady scent of cinnamon engulfs me and I start to wonder if maybe, I should have done this sooner.

On the serving cart, there's a coffee carafe and a coffee mug filled with an enticingly scented brew. I pick it up and take a deep breath. I think I'm feeling better already. Taking a careful sip, I realize why everyone likes these flavored coffee so much. If this one is anything to go on, they're quite luscious. I lick my top lip to get the froth stranded up there. Heh. Even the froth is good.

I take a moment to sit on the edge of the bed and drink the searing beverage, calmly. I've never thought about it much, but the Residence is so quiet without Abbey in it. Normally, that would unnerve me, but right now, I can't think of anything that could be better. Except, maybe Abbey here with me.

I wander into the bathroom and open a cupboard next to the sink. This is where Abbey keeps her bath stuff. I'm just looking. It's not as though I'd actually use any of it…Oooh, cinnamon and vanilla. Putting down my mug regretfully, I unscrew the bottle top and take a whiff. It smells like Abbey straight out of the shower, before the Victoria's Secret Heavenly Dreams: Divine perfume. I love that.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm standing over the bathtub adjusting the water so that the temperature's just right. I pour in two capfuls…and then one more. Just to be sure. Of course, I'm not actually going to get in it. I mean, there's a state dinner going on downstairs, I can't. I just want to see what it smells like. Really.

I peak out of the bathroom and listen to see if anyone's coming. There's no one. I unbutton my jacket and loosen my tie. I lay them across the bed, kicking my shoes off at the end. I'll be putting them back on in a little bit. I turn off the taps and dip my hand into to the water to find it to be quite temperate. I bite my lip. It would only be for a little bit…and Stanley _did _suggest it. It would be a mental health break. That's just as important as my actual health, right? Well, I think so. Draining the mug, I gather my bathrobe and towels, resting them on the counter between the sinks. I sneak back out to the bedroom to refill my mug, before slinking back in and closing the door to a crack. I'm a bad boy.

I undress and rest my clothes beside the towels on the counter. I shiver and can feel goosebumps rising on my skin. It's cold without Abbey here, too. I take a breath and step into the bath. The bubbles rise all the way to my knees. I'm feeling even better. As I start to sit down, I realize that I left the washcloth over on the counter and that I have to get out to retrieve. I truly consider letting it stay, but grumblingly step out and, almost tripping, I snag it and step back in. Here goes. I slowly ease down into the bath and rest my back against the lip of the tub. I'm immediately warmed from head to toe. From neck to toe, anyway. The water laps at my skin like waves to the shore and I am soothed by it. The bubbles tickle my nose and it twitches on my face. I can't help the listless laugh that erupts from me. I wouldn't have done this if I realized how drowsy it would make me. But it's warm. I like it. Now, I get why Abbey likes doing this so much. It's relaxing.

I feel my eyes start to close and I don't try to stop myself. I'm not going to sleep; I'm just resting my eyes. You know, resting my eyes is starting to feel suspiciously like falling asleep. Ah, well. You win some, you lose some. Man, I should do this more often.

The agents outside the First Bedroom stand there quietly for a while after the President enters. They expect him to be out in half an hour tops. Half an hour passes. No President. It's quickly approaching an hour since he's entered and neither of them can hear stirring beyond the doors. They share a glance and Agent Sanders silently volunteers to take a look. He knows Maxim has his back.

The agent slips inside and looks around. The service cart is where the steward left it, but the mug is gone. He goes over and presses the back of his hand to the coffee carafe. It's lukewarm. He turns around and sees the President's jacket and tie lying across the bed, his shoes at the end, on the floor. The bathroom door is cracked, but mostly closed. He walks over carefully, having alerted Maxim to POTUS's apparent absence.

His gun at the ready, he stands beside the door and sharing another look with Maxim, nods. He pushes the door open gently and lets it swing back to the wall. They're both immediately hit with the scent of cinnamon and vanilla. The first thing Sanders sees is the clothes, towel, and mug, still with wisps of smoke still rising from within. He swings around and sees the President's arm on the edge of the tub. He moves closer. He sees the top of his head. He moves closer. He sees whatever of his body is visible over the water. He looks around and motions to Maxim to check out the rest of the room. He kneels and presses very light fingers to the supine man's neck. He feels a steady and strong rhythm beneath his fingers. He takes a relieved breath and reholsters his gun. Signaling Maxim to follow, he pulls the door nearly shut as before and moves back towards the outer door. Maxim goes out first. Sanders knows that he should probably get the President up and redressed, but…He's always been told that it's his job to protect the President's body. His mind and heart are someone else's concern. He thinks it's about time he started to do a little bit more. And he has been looking absolutely run down for days…God knows it isn't his job, but…he closes the door and retakes his sentry position beside the door.

Maxim only gives him an approving nod and makes no move to report him to Butterfield. The only thing nearly as strong as their protective instinct towards their charges is their oath to one another. Sanders knows he won't tell. So, he doesn't worry. Well, not too much, anyway.


	2. 2 of 4

Author: Regency

Title: Flavored Coffee, Bath Bubbles & Naps

Rating: PG and possibly up

Pairing: Jed/Abbey

Season/Spoiler/Sequel: Season [something]; _Night Five; _None so far.

Summary: The President says that he isn't one of 'those' people. That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt.

Author's Notes: Any cannon dialogue is paraphrased or fictional.

Disclaimer: I only own the Secret Service Agents that are unfamiliar.

Abbey smiles quietly at the guests while surreptitiously looking around for her husband. _Where the hell is he? Was there some kind of emergency?_ They were supposed to have opened the dance floor an hour ago. People were getting suspicious and staffers were getting nervous. The President had slipped away soon after his after dinner address and hadn't been seen since. She was already worried. She looked about casually and saw Leo on the other side of the dance floor. Moving gracefully amongst the apprehensively dancing couples, she gave a touch here and there to ease their minds. Reaching Leo, she puts out her hand and he takes it, guiding her out onto the dance floor. The waltz for a bit, smiling for those cameras that she can swear shouldn't be there.

"Where's my husband, Leo? He's been gone for a while now. People are getting worried." She meets his eyes and sees the confusion there. Confused? Why would he be confused?

"He's not here? You're sure?" She stops, but gets moving again when it catches others' attention. She smiles reassuringly while alarms are starting to go off in her head.

"Yes, Leo. I'm sure. He was here a while ago, but now he isn't. I've looked high and low and he isn't in this room, right now. Is it possible that there was a thing in the Situation Room and you didn't hear about it?" He gives her a look and she shrugs nonchalantly. It was just a guess. "Okay, so no. Where is he then?"

"Maybe he went out for a cigarette?" He doesn't want to rat on his best friend, but he doesn't want Abbey to worry. He sees her narrow her eyes.

"Maybe. Excuse me, I need to find my husband and smoke his ass." Leo chuckles a little and shakes his head, stepping off of the dance floor. Jed's gonna get it. His laughter fades as he sees her talk to an agent at the door. Her lips change from a straight line to a frown. Her brows furrow and she says something back to the agent. The agent nods and Abbey stands still for a moment. Realizing that she's being watched, she pastes the smile back on and slides through the throng until she's back at his side. She meets his eyes and shakes her head. He's not outside. Okay, now he's worried.

Josh stands bored by the buffet table and vacillates between watching CJ try to trick Toby into dancing with her and watching Donna being wooed by Lord John Marbury. One is funny; the other…not so much.

Soon, he feels a shift in the room and he looks around to see if anyone else felt it too. CJ and Toby aren't playing anymore, but are looking about. Donna is still standing with Lord John, but both are looking around too. Something's happened. They all feel it. He sees the First Lady and Leo dancing stiffly on the floor. They slip away from each other and start to make rounds of the small clusters of people about the room. They keep calm smiles on their faces, but he can feel the apprehension from where he stands at least ten yards away from either of them. He motions CJ, Toby, Donna, and Lord John over. They cluster around him casually, or so it seems.

"Something changed, just now. I felt it." CJ nods and Toby rocks on his heels.

"We did as well. Something…isn't quite right. I feel it my duty to point out that your President hasn't shown himself for more than an hour now." He taps his watch, which looks far more expensive than Josh's. "I've been counting." Before any of them can respond, a neatly pressed Sam sidles up cavalierly and finds a spot in their group.

"Something's up."

"We know. We felt it too."

"No, I mean, both the First Lady and Leo have asked me if I've seen the President three times between them in the last ten minutes. They're making rounds. I don't think they realize it, but they keep asking the same groups of people and those charming smiles are only going to convince for so long. I don't know what's up, but someone needs to tell them to stop, otherwise, this will become the press's thing real fast." That last part was directed at CJ, who looks to Toby. He senses her eyes and steps back.

"No, make that guy do it. With all due respect, Mr. Ambassador."

"Of course, Toby. And I told you, you may call me John."

"Yes, sir. John…Go speak to Abbey." He eyes flit around Tobily. "Please."

"That's more like it." He takes Donna's drink and says, "You won't be needing this anymore, will you dear?" She smiles and shakes her head. "Thank you. I'm off." He winks at Donna and trots away, gracefully. She grins after him. It fades when she looks at Josh, who just looks constipated. Of course, that _could_ be jealousy. Nah.

"Josh, go talk to Leo."

"Why?"

"Because he finds the Ambassador annoying and of the many incidents I'm going to have to deal with in the morning, can it please not include a cockfight between the White House Chief of Staff and the Ambassador to England?" CJ reaches out and smacks Josh upside the head. "And because I'm the Press Secretary and I make you look good. So, do as I say and I won't tell about the thing." His eyes get big and he looks around.

"Okay, I'll talk to Leo." He starts to walk to where he last saw him. He turns back to CJ. "You're not going to tell about the thing, are you?" She gives his a wry glance.

"Get moving and I'll think about taking it off my blog." His eyes widen and he steps towards her. "Go now, or I stand on a table and announce it to the world…as if they don't already know. Go! Shoo!"

He walks away, muttering, "I feel like a bad dog." CJ grins.

"Be good and I'll let you chew on Toby's shoe." Toby looks at her like she's cracked. She wasn't kidding.

"There's something relatively abnormal about you?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

"Only relatively?"

"Yeah, 'cause Josh is completely abnormal." CJ has to agree and nods.

"Yeah, I haven't quite hit rock bottom yet."

Josh, who's still straggling to make sure she doesn't tell, yells, "I can still hear you." CJ smiles and Toby smirks. Or it could be an interested grimace. It's hard to tell.

"Then, go away, so that you can't." He pouts and moves to find Leo, who's already moved to a different side of the room. Ah, damn it!

"So, what did I miss?" Sam's looks inquisitive and waits to be informed. CJ's smile fades.

"There's something going on. The President hasn't been seen for more than an hour and the First Lady's worried. So's Leo."

"They're trying to hide it, but they're not doing a very good job of it. As every moment progresses, it's easier for us to see. It's only a matter of time before others can see it too."

"So, what can we do?" His hands are stuffed in his pockets in classic Toby-pose and he rocks on his heels. Toby doesn't like this. He likes to be unique.

"Stop that." He looks up from his thoughts, confused.

"Stop what?"

"That. What you're doing right now." Sam blinks at him owlishly. Sometimes, he thinks Toby's the one that 'startlingly freakish.' And not in the idiot savant kind of way either.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You. You're mimicking me. Me and my movements, my mannerisms. Don't do that." Sam looks at Toby, then at himself. He smiles.

"But, I like doing this. It's me." Toby looks up under his eyebrows.

"No, it's me. Me as in mine. Mine."

"Toby, is your individuality feeling threatened?"

"What?" Sam moves towards a suddenly wary Toby. He puts an arm around him.

"Toby, nobody can steal what makes you you. I just like to do what you do, because it makes me feel closer to you." Toby blinks.

"Okay. Well, I think that's close enough. As a matter of fact, it's too close. I'm gonna go stand clandestinely behind CJ and, you know, guard my individuality against people who want to get closer." He shuffles away to stand behind CJ, who peeks over her shoulder to look at him. He shrugs at her, daring her to comment.

Sam looks down. "I thought imitation was the finest form of flattery." CJ rubs the back of his neck.

"Don't worry, Sam. It's not you. Flattery scares Toby. That's why he hid behind me."

"I did not hide. I stood clandestinely."

"Whatever. You hid--" Donna cuts in. This isn't getting them anywhere.

"Guys, tell Sam what's we're doing now. I think he's going to need to know soon." CJ nods.

"So, guys, here's what we need to do…"

As the First Lady and Leo end another one of their brief informa-dances, a hand comes about and catches hers. Her eyes widen and she plasters one of those smiles on her face.

"Lord John, as much as I'd like to, I can't dance right now." He keeps a pleasant expression on his face for show.

"I suggest you find the time, dear, before you and Gerald give yourselves away more than you already have." He gently spins her around.

"What are you talking about, John?"

"I'm talking about your husband and the fact that at this moment, he isn't here. And he hasn't been here in more than an hour." She slows down to look into his face. He can see the concern and the fear that's starting to creep in.

"You saw him leave?" Her eyes are hopeful that this miniature nightmare will end soon. He only hopes he can help. He nods.

"He left through the far doors. He seemed eager to go. Tired, as well. I don't mean to alarm you, Abigail. But when you search the building, I suggest you look on the floor…_Just _in case. If you are going to continue asking people if they've seen your husband, please try to remember who you've already spoken to and try to talk to Leo, as well." She looks from side to side.

"Are we being that obvious?"

"Only to those that know you well and love you. If you are not watchful, others will see too."

"Who's seen?"

"It's not so much what they've seen as what they've felt. We all felt the change. The room…the air is positively humming." She looks up at her old friend and is glad to have him here. Her voice is low.

"I need to look for him, John. I need to him found and I need to be the one to find him. What if he needs me? What if he needs a doctor? I can't look for him and be here." He gently grasps her elbows.

"Then, go, Abigail. This bunch will wait. And there is a group of people who are ready to cover for you. Say the word and we'll cover your absence." He leans down and kisses her cheek. "Now go, and get your man!" She smiles and disappears into the partygoers. "God, please get to him before it's too late." He smiles charmingly and cut in on a lovely young lady's dance. "Hello, I am Lord John Marbury, Earl of Croix…" He lists his many titles to her and she smiles shyly. All that was left was for the President to return and this evening could turn out to be quite splendid.

Quite splendid _indeed._


	3. 3 of 4

Author: Regency

Title: Flavored Coffee, Bath Bubbles & Naps

Rating: PG and possibly up

Pairing: Jed/Abbey

Season/Spoiler/Sequel: Season [something]; _Night Five; _None so far.

Summary: The President says that he isn't one of 'those' people. That doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt.

Author's Notes: Any cannon dialogue is paraphrased or fictional.

Disclaimer: I only own the Secret Service Agents that are unfamiliar.

There is a quiet desperation in the air. No one, except them is talking about it, but everyone is trying to do something about it. Subtly, of course.

The President is missing. And no one seems to know where to look. The First Lady is first to leave the party, but soon others follow. Not all of them voted for him, but they all worry. He's still their President, all of their President. They try, at first, to keep up the subterfuge, but it seems a waste with only a hundred people left in the room. It's was a party for six hundred. Yes, quite the waste. They too leave to help. He was _their _President first.

CJ follows the breadcrumbs the First Lady left behind. The worried staffers, rising from their desks sharing indiscernible looks. This will definitely be her problem in the morning. Hell, it's already her problem. Where the hell is he? Mr. President, please be okay.

She follows the worried staffers.

Abbey's always been known for her grace under fire, but she's not doing so well, right now. At first, she smiled whenever someone passed, but that was a half hour ago. She's well beyond smiling and more into worried frowning. She's searching every office and room; every nook and cranny. It doesn't matter that the Secret Service Agents do a more thorough as soon as she leaves. She already knows where he's not. She just doesn't know where he is. She's done with the Communications Bullpen. Now, she's going to Oval Office. She can't tell if she'll be more pissed that he's there and didn't send someone to tell her or scared if he's not and she's fast running out of places to look. After this she'll check the Residence. Maybe he took a rest and fell asleep. Yeah, that sounds right. That doesn't mean she's skipping the Oval, though.

Abbey walks onto their floor of the Residence and toward their bedroom. Could he be here? If he isn't, she'll have to look back in the White House. Maybe she missed a place. The Secret Service, unlikely. But maybe.

She walks to the door and looks to the stoic agents standing guard. Would they have seen him? Would they tell her if they had?

"Agents…" She looks to them both. "Have you seen my husband?" The one on the right nods, as does the one on the left. They've both seen him. That's a good sign, isn't it? "Is he in there?" She nods towards the bedroom door.

"I heard him say he was going to think, marinate. Maybe get some coffee." The other agent corroborates this with a nod.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. We don't know his exact location at this moment." She nods. It was probably too much to hope for anyway. If he wanted to think, he'd probably avoid the first place they'd look for him.

"It's all right. Just…if you see him, tell him people are worried about him. Tell him to find me. I'm worried about him. Just, just tell him that." Agent Sanders nods. He will…when he wakes up.

The First Lady messes with her hair a little. She sighs and heads back to the White House. Where else hasn't she looked?

As the First Lady retreats the agents share a look. When she disappears from sight Maxim speaks, "You lied to her." Agent Sanders shrugs slightly.

"I didn't lie, I fudged the truth. I didn't know where the President was exactly. Neither did you. Yes, I made up the going to think part, but he was going to get coffee. I assumed there'd be some thinking involved. That's why he's up here. He could be out of the bathtub by now. He might even be headed back out here." They wait a moment in silence. Nope, no movement. "Or, he could still be asleep in the tub."

"He could be." Maxim's eyes dart sideways. "You want me to go look?"

"Yeah."

"You want me to look in the bathroom or just in the bedroom?"

"Just look in the bedroom. Don't want you seeing anything you'd rather not." Maxim shivers. He doesn't want to see anything either.

He slips into the bedroom and does a cursory look around. No President. He hesitates, but moves to the bathroom door. He peers around the door. The arm is still hanging from the edge of the tub. He's still there. Maybe he should wake him up. No, no that's not his job. He just has to protect him. He prays that he doesn't lose his job over this. He exits just as silently as he entered. He retakes his place, giving his partner a reassuring look. Their charge was safe; they'd done their part. They just prayed they'd done it right.

The President sits in the bath, unmoving. His breathing is easy, his countenance calm. Seems like he's having good dreams. His farther arm rests precariously on the edge of the tub. His shifts around in his sleep. His arm falls into the water with a jarring splash. He jerks awake and looks around, disoriented. He blinks and reaches up to rub his eyes with his dry hand. He rolls his shoulders and yawns, feeling more rested than he had in a while.

_Yawn! _ Man, that felt good. I roll my shoulders a bit, hearing a neat little pop here and there. I look at my hands to see that I'm shriveled up like a prune. How'd that happen so fast? I was only here for like half an hour. That shouldn't happen in half an hour. Unless, I was in here longer than half an hour. That wouldn't be a good thing.

I push myself up and out, grabbing the big fluffy towels sitting on the counter. Wrapping it around me, I pick up my watch to check the time. Oh God. I've been in here for little more than an hour. An hour. I'm sure there's got to be people looking for me. Wouldn't they have found me by now? Unless someone ran interference. Abbey? Maybe. Leo? No, he's afraid of Abbey. Who else? I guess I'd better get dressed and find out.

I hop back into my tux, which immediately starts to stick to me and step into my shoes. I admittedly stop to get another mug of the still warm coffee. What? It's good. After I'm dressed, I scamper out the door, past my agents. Maybe I should ask if anyone's come looking for me.

"Hey, guys. Has anybody come looking for me?" They look guiltily at each other. Oh, God.

"Yes, sir." I wait for them to elaborate…and they don't. I nod for them to get on with it. "The First Lady came looking for you about half an hour ago. She told us to tell you that people were looking for you and that she was worried and to come find her, if we see you." I must look confused, because, quite frankly, I am.

"Doesn't she know where I am?" They share another guilty look. Oh, _my _God. "You looked her in the eye and said you didn't know where I was, didn't you?" More guilt. Damn. We're all in trouble now. "Why?" Agent Sanders, I think it is, clears his throat and steps forward.

"You looked exhausted, sir. I know it's not my job, but you needed the rest. I just didn't wake you. It seems like a stupid idea now, but I really had the best intentions at heart, sir. I'll accept whatever punishment you see fit to administer." I look at Sanders and then at the silent Agent Maxim. As if I could actually forget a name that cool. He has to know something about this.

"And what did you do, Agent?"

"Sir?"

"Of course, you didn't just stand there, stoically."

"No, sir."

"Then, what _did_ you do?"

"I backed my partner up, sir." I look at him quietly. It sounds so heroic when he says it that way.

"So, you helped him lie to my wife?" He blinks and nods, looking slightly bashful, if anything. A bashful Secret Service Agent, woulda thunk it? "Why?"

"The same reason he did." I sigh like a harried parent. They look like my girls when they've done a bad thing for a good reason. I know the feeling.

"Thank you." They look more confused than I did. "You went outside your job description to take care of me and I appreciate it. I wouldn't recommend doing it again, but still, I appreciate it. Now, please, let us locate my wife before she brings out the hounds. Shall we?" They fall into step beside me and we're out of here.

Oh, boy, Jed, you've done it now. Abbey's frantic, CJ's close to quitting, everyone else is pulling their hair out. If I were you, old friend, I'd make myself real scarce or very visible right now. Preferably, wherever Abbey's looking for you.

Wait a minute, where the hell did all of those black suits come from? Ahh…wait, there you go. You look kind of rumpled there, friend. You smell like…what is that? Is that vanilla and something else? Either way, I pounce. I like that word.

"Mr. President, where in the world have you been? Me and like half of the White House, including those at _your _party, have been looking for you. Not to mention your wife, who is somewhere ugly between maiming you and doing things that I'm not that interested in hearing about with you." He blinks at me like I've got two heads, when he's the one who's been AWOL for nearly two hours.

"I was napping." He isn't serious. Napping? I'm really trying not to laugh at the Leader of the Free World, but napping? He's gonna have to come up with something better than that. Him, napping in the middle of a party? He wouldn't. Would he?

"Seriously, man, where were you?" He just looks at me. "You were really napping?" He nods.

"Don't laugh." I cough to cover the snort that escapes.

"I'm gonna laugh, but I'll wait until you turn your back to do it." He scowls at me and I laugh. Hey, I really tried, at first. Okay, not really.

"Thanks, a lot. I feel the love."

"Hey, you made the last two hours of my life hell. You should be apologizing to me and you will be apologizing to Abbey." He looks around when I say her name. It's hard say whether he's scared to see her or eager.

"Speaking of my darling wife, where is she now?" I wonder if I should tell him that Abbey's currently creeping up behind him. Nah.

"Right behind you, Jed." He jumps and turns in the same movement. I give it a 10.

"Holy --!" He stops himself at the last moment when he sees Abbey's raised eyebrows. "Hi, pumpkin."

"Hello, Jethro." Uh oh, friend. You best start talking fast or you're sleeping alone tonight. Of course, you've already napped, so you might not feel like sleeping anyway. But I don't think that other thing's happening either. She stands there with her hands behind her back as though she's inspecting him. "So where have you been this evening?" Jed blushes and I laugh. He glares over his shoulder. I shrug. I'm not even trying anymore.

"I was resting." She tips her head a little. Damn man, something's already not adding up.

"I was told that you told your agents that you were thinking."

"I didn't."

"That means…"

"That they lied to you."

"Why would they lie to me unless you told them to?"

"Because…Wait a minute, I wouldn't have told them to lie to you and I didn't. I wasn't even up. I was asleep, napping and they didn't want me to be disturbed. Not like you could disturb me, sweetheart." She crosses her arms and moves a little closer.

"You were napping? Napping where and when?" He blushes more. "Jethro."

"Don't call me that."

"I think I will. Where and when?" He stuffs his hands in his pocket and mumbles something I can't hear. Abbey, standing as close as she is, can't hear it either. "What was that, pumpkin?"

"I was taking a bath in the Residence and I fell asleep." She blinks at him and snorts. It occurs in stereo when I join in. Da baby took a wittle bubba bath. Okay, I'm going to stop now. Debbie's a bad influence on me.

"I'm sorry, I thought you said that you were taking a bath in the Residence and you fell asleep."

"That's what I said. I was taking a bath to relax, and I used some of your bubble bath and I fell asleep. I had some really good coffee too. It was cinnamon flavored. You should try it." She takes a step back to look at him.

"Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" His brow furrows.

"What?" She jabs him with her elbow a few times.

"Flavored coffee, bubble baths, naps. Come on, where's my husband?" He waves his arms around.

"Here."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"You fell asleep in the bathtub?"

"Yes, Abigail. I went upstairs, had coffee, took a bath, and fell asleep _in_ the bath. Time passed and my agents ran interference. They thought I needed sleep."

"You do need sleep."

"I know that now."

"But, for the love of God, Jed, not in the middle of dinner parties."

"Hey, I didn't exactly plan on falling asleep. Stanley made me do it." Abbey looks around. She doesn't see Stanley and neither do I. Has Jed, maybe, flipped a little?

"Honey, I don't see him."

"Well, he's not actually here or anything, but it was his idea. He said that it'd be good for my psyche." Yes, friend, your very big psychotic…never mind.

"So, a man that's not actually here or anything made you sneak out of a party, go up to the Residence, drink cinnamon flavored coffee, and take a bath, in which you fell asleep for nearly two hours? That sound about right?"

"Well, I wasn't asleep the whole time, but yeah, that's about it."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Um, now what?" She puts out her hand.

"We go to bed, pumpkin. I am exhausted."

"Um, okay." More with the 'umming.' They throw goodbyes over their shoulders at me as Abbey leads a bewildered Jed towards the Residence. I can hear Jed speak as they disappear from view. "Hey, Abbey. Want me to run you a bath?"

"Do I get the coffee too?" There's a silent moment. "Well?"

"I don't know yet. I'm thinking."

"Share and share alike."

"Do unto the wife as was done unto the husband."

"That had absolutely no relevance to this moment."

"Maybe not, but if we're going to be throwing idioms around…"

"We're not. You're going to be running me a bath and giving me that coffee that you're done with."

"I'm not done with it yet."

"Yeah, you are." I hear Jed give a yelp and a scuffling of shoes. "Ah ah, you don't want me to scald myself, do you?"

"Damn."

"Good to know. I was getting worried."

"I'll give you something to worry about." There is definite scuffling and the click-clack of heels as Abbey tries to evade Jed fades down the portico leading to the Mansion. There's a high squeal from Abbey that's cut off as the doors close. Oh, God. They're going to be keeping the whole building up tonight. I am so out of here.


End file.
